THIS is a CLOSE-UP?

So on Saturday morning, I was awakened by a knock on the door from two well-dressed male teens who wanted to rap to me about Jesus Christ. (I can only assume their parent or guardian was in the nearby idling car, taking their charges from door to door to spread the gospel like some bizarro trick-or-treat procedure.) I opened the door for a moment only to declare my lack of interest and send them to their next heretical confrontation/spiritual opportunity, but the whole quick and curt episode got me thinking. I once heard that there are three types of Americans: Easterners (who are slighted and immediately generate a withering comeback), Westerners (who are slighted and immediately smile and say some variation of "no worries, dude"), and those of us in the middle of the country (who are slighted and immediately do nothing, only to think of a great comment ten to fifteen minutes after the slight). Obviously, as much as I would like to be a Easterner, I am a Midwest kid to th...

Today, it has achieved object permanence, a pillar of '80s "modern rock" (soon giving way to the equally useless label "alternative rock") and a go-to soundtrack for Burger King, Hershey, and any other company looking to pillage your emotional memories for cash. But here's the nagging thing: It was never the chart-smashing hit that, through the seemingly endless revisions of "history," it has become. "I Melt With You" by the British group Modern English (4ad lovers, represent!) had two runs at the Billboard Hot 100 chart, and both times, it failed to reach the coveted Top 40. So how does it have such current currency, despite the two-time status as a failed single? Quite easy, actually: It was much-loved by a small percentage of college-aged music freaks who went on to become older marketing aces with more power and long memories, and these once-and-future-geeks felt no reservations about raiding their record collections (or the record c...